we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
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