i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
