i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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