We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
