if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
A+ Viking dick
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
