woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
