No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
