Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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