my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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