I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
