she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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