it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
