We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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