4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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