Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
