i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I did not marry a roomba.
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