I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
