I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
