Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
