Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
