its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
