At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
