Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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