she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Someone shit on the floor
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
