Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
soo... how was my night?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
