Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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