69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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