I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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