There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I want to be your penis for a week.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
