I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
it hurts more in the daytime
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
