you guys were way drunker than both of me
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
