So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
