did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
