I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
