Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
