I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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