Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
