I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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