what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Why are your pants in the freezer?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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