they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i dont even know how to be here
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
