I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
