just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
