Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
