It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
