like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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