literally had 100 drinks last night.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
