The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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