I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
