franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
last night I used snow as a chaser
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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