Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I need a hoe opinion
go on
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
