erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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