His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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